I grew up in a culture of entitlement and not much suffering. My parents and teachers raised me under the impression that I was special and that God would give me the dream and legacy I dreamed about as a teenager.
After almost achieving that dream in high school but failing, I became attracted to pastors who fed on the entitlement of the rich and high class: AKA the prosperity gospel. I was attracted to pastors who would easily “usher in miracles and give his flock instant hearings or financial gain.” I was attracted to others who would name and claim their healing or better finances. I was attracted to leaders who had influence but manipulate people into a hyper-Pentecostal cults. These false prophets also feed on the entitlement mentality of victims looking for a miracle. And of course with having Aspergers,I really need a miracle to see my dreams come to past. Or do I?
I’m still working towards my freedom. But taking time to reflect on my past has made me realize that it’s better to depend on God through suffering than treat God like a genie or Santa Claus. I do wish my suffering was less, but I’m at the point of taking it one day at a time. I think that is much more of an inspiration than prosperity messages. People are sold to a gospel that is attractive and I wanted to be a celebrity with a gospel I can sell while seeing others change. The fact I never got there after a decade of trying shows I have something else I need to do. Maybe my story will just be a chronicle of finding myself. I guess the parts that will change others forever is that I’ll never give up my fight to find purpose in life.